EDIT (again): Nope, it's all got to do with versions of the .NET Framework not being properly downloaded/installed correctly (or, let's hope that's all it has got to do with.) Fun. This is a job for the Thanksgiving Holidays.

Just as a bit of warning to all Windows users (or at least all xp-ers): the evening before Friday the 13th (fitting), the computer had one update to install (the night before it had 4) and I let it install after I turned off the computer. Well, this update (I do not know its name) made it so that the next time I turned on my computer (11/13) I received a message saying that the cryptui.dll could not be found; ergo, the desktop wasn't gonna be happening any time soon. Literally, no icons, no taskbar, no startmenu, nothing. Scared the bajeebus outta me until I learned that system restore is not the devil (super thank you's =Fur-was-es-wert-ist for all your help, seriously, you rule.)

A wee little message of warning. Maybe the update just failed to execute properly, who knows? Anyone who knows what update causes this, please tell me (the first four worked, that fifth one the night later didn't. Super weird.) Microsoft's site seems to be saying nothing. Oh well, I'm just glad it is over.